working it: nursing style

I'm stoked-on a regular Monday. Week 3 at my new job, and I'm in love. I feel that this quick affection is ok, due to the long battle it has been job searching. Right now, I woulda been in love with Ronald McDonald himself if that's where I was working (but thank God, that's something I was spared---although I must admit, I applied there.)

I won't lie, the last year has been job hunting gory horror. I'm not being dramatic-anyone else been job searching in this glorious economy? Call me wimpy, but I feel like the newspapers warnings mean nothing til you're part of the unemployed percentage. This summer was spent in desperation trying to find a job before my parents came rushing out to Oregon to drag my little hiney home to Montana---(unbelievable amount of thanks go out to my Mom, Wes and my amazing Grandparents for all the help they've blessed me with!!!!) Aside from my dwindling financial circumstances, that threat was definite motivation for me! (As much as I miss Montana and love my family- Oregon is where I'm made to be...for certain!) But no amount of determined, slightly fear-based momentum was going to bust through the thick cloud of all the other fear-driven, over-qualified, hurting job excavators. For some reason, what I believed about myself and my impressive resume, just wasn't cutting it for the HR departments of the hundreds (no exaggeration) of jobs I applied for. The thought of being thrown into a pool of hundreds of other people- probably older and more experienced- just made me feel all the more powerless to impress. Do you wanna know what that does to a girl!? Well, for me at least, I constantly was second guessing my abilities, my worth, my capabilities and the appearance of that stupid lil resume (safe to say- that thing was revised more than I bet my first book will be!). I felt like I was the next contestant on the Bachelor: I didn't want to be there (not sure why any of those girls would actually wanna be thrown in the judgmental, dating lion pit like that)... I was desperate, vulnerable to someone else's whimsicle judgement and in competition with tons of other "betters"- constantly comparing myself to these hypothetical contendors (I of course never met any of the other applicants, but you can best believe in my mind they were more professional and prettier with amazing wardrobes and smart glasses.)
I wouldn't suggest anyone allow themselves to hang out in that state of mind- the "am I good enough" state of mind...It forces questions and doubts to the surface that I believe God's promises already have spoken against. But that's where I was.
I kept asking God, "Am I not good enough? Am I being punished? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing?" I hate those questions. I hate the wondering (and the WAITING!!!). I hate the fact that when we ask those questions, it seems like God is waiting for us to figure out the answers to them on our own, or realize He's been speaking all along, we've just been too focused on doubting His affirmations to live like we know who we are.
At the end of the summer (and my rope), I was praying and really felt like God was saying "Stop applying for jobs (AND QUIT TWEAKING YOUR RESUME!!!! IT'S FINE!!!)" I didn't quite understand how God would provide a job for me when I wasn't the one doing the ground work of searching, but I guess that was part of the lesson---me getting a job wasn't because of my strength (and that PERFECT resume) but out of His gracious gift and provision. A week after I stopped going crazy on monster.com, my church just handed me a job. A job where I could take my daughter to hang out with me. A job where I got to work with christian women who were all so sweet and encouraging! A job where I could even have time to do my homework for college. Yup, those are the kinds of gifts God gives--- Perfect ones.
There was a lot I didn't understand about why God gave me that particular job: it still wasn't financially meeting all of my needs and definitely was for an area that I didn't seem to have much expertise in- children. (yes, I may have my own daughter, but there's a world of difference between MY child and other peoples' CHILDREN...) Haha. I guess the upside to that was a good deal of patience building exercizes and the support of again, very amazing co-worker women (all worth idolizing!)

But sometimes when God gives us something, and it comes to an end (especially when that end comes sooner than we anticipated), it's a tad bit confusing. I found myself back to job hunting (ugh...seriously) in February. All around, I had quite a few questions for God about this whole merry-go-round. Why would He give me a job that wasn't going to last or really work in the first place??? He knows how much I hate 'endings'...But as I began to re-enter the drownding pool/hole I SOOOO dreaded, yet seemed all too familiar with (unemployed and begging), I felt God do something a little different. My attitude was morphing from this angry, self doubting begger to a peaceful, joyful seeker of God's purpose. I had the same circumstances (actually a little bit worse financially), but it seemed like a switch had been flipped and I was hearing from God- "I got this, you know that, Rosie. Wait in peace not anxiety."
Job hunting still wasn't fun. (I am doubting job hunting will become an enjoyable passtime for anyone...) BUT- this time, I didn't have to force confidence or focus on that stupid resume. I just did what I had to do- keep applying and stop worrying- AND LIVE LIKE I REMEMBERED WHO GOD ALREADY SAID I WAS.
It took 4 weeks. That doesn't sound long, but when you have no income- it's a forever. In that time, I started a prayer/blessing wall in my kitchen. A bare space that originally I planned on painting turned into an everyday reminder that God was still speaking, still moving and still DOING even though I was in a stand-still. I would post little sticky notes and bits of paper of verses that friends gave me in encouragement, or things I would hear from random conversations or sermons that seemed to speak directly to my ever-changing heart. Day by day, God used those to do the dirty work- the ROSIE CHANGING work. The day I went for my first interview, I prayed over the print-out sheet I had made of the job posting. I put it on my wall. I had others pray for it. I wrote on it: "this is how good God is. this could be mine!" And guess what, it is mine now. And it happens to be a job that fits my little Rosie quirks more perfectly than I could have anticipated.
I am a medical assistant for a dermatologist, so I get my fix in the nursing/medical field. I get every other Monday off (everyone hates Mondays and happens to LOVE three day weekends!!!!) and now have medical coverage----FOR FREE. (I haven't had medical coverage for over 3 years--and I definitely need it!!!)
Of course, there is quite a bit of financial catch up I have to do, but I love this place. The place of still-dependant and in need, but the place where the sun is shining and God's path is illuminated and the only place to go is forward. God is good. Good at reminding. Good at restoring. Good at blessing.

(P.s. I work for Silver Falls Dermatology in Dr. Goodman's office---everyone should have a dermatologist- so come in, see me, and get yourself and your skin healthy!)