If Words Would Heal the Ancient

I've always had a lot of words. In my mouth. In my head. Coming out of my mouth. Caught in the back of my throat. Just lots of them. In moments that seem so dire, or so important, I always feel this incredible need to have the very right words. I would say if there was one, very constant desire in me, it would be to possess an eloquence beyond my understanding. Better explained- that my words would come from places that knew more than me, that had a bigger picture in mind, so that when I spoke them- they were RIGHT. They were historical in that moment. To me. To the spoken-to. To the following events. I have sat numerous times in front of hurting friends- hearing their pain, their frustrations, their confusion....what have you... and I feel this pleading hope inside me that MY words would be the ones that brought forth change for them. Maybe an epiphany for their next brilliant, course-changing steps. Even better, maybe healing words to erase a cycle.

Today, I listened, to a story. A hurtful story within my family. A story that has been writing along for quite some time. I talked and asked questions as logic called for, all the while feeling my gut begin to turn with this burning desire- to speak. Not just talk- to my mom, or even other characters in this story, but to REALLY speak. To say to my mom words that would break ancient lies weighing on her heart. To tell my loved ones things they needed to know to repair. An ache tends to build up in my heart, desperately wanting to deliver fresh new words that bring life and awakening. Pleading.

I want to speak healing against the ancient, in grown blisters of all this time. I believe that the simple word can make or break a history within someone. And honestly, it's not about ME being the one to deliver such powerful words. It's the agonizing hope that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE will take that step to deliver them. That in the end, WORDS were said. I can count many moments along this storyline where I have wished words would swoop in from some unknown human- like in the movies- a passerby just shocks with wisdom and brings new light to some very dark corners. But, seemingly, that's more common in movies than in life. And here we are, with no words. BUT I HAVE WORDS- I DO! I just don't know if they are the RIGHT ones. What if they are not meant for the now? What if they are meant to be said, but it isn't the right time for them to be heard?

I would love to walk into a room, and just speak those words. Into the air they go, to fall on the necessary ears at their own leisure- in their own right moments.

I love so passionately that I fear my own intentions would interrupt. They would inject some own commentary. So- I withhold ALL words. I just wait. What will be will be. Right? But what if those words needed to be there? To show love and truth and revelation of healing and renewal? What if nothing is out there strong enough to break the ancient cycle but these words? I don't really have specific WORDS to say, I just feel like deep down inside something is welling up and needs to come out....But also, I don't give myself some weird credit for having magic words to solve everything... I just know that if words of truth and release were in the air, the other words of pain and deceit would be called to accountability.

I just can't get over the thought that words could be the dissolving agent in such a built up cycle. I want words to come- to heal, to renew, to strengthen. For them. For me. For us all.

God gives the gift of WORDS so very often, now, I pray it is the time for our family to receive that powerful gift.