I'm my own robber

Last night I did my taxes. I would say normally, that sort of "event" is not really an "event" at all, and really shouldn't be worth writing anything about. (Especially since I haven't written in months...) I don't own a house, or buy new energy efficient cars or sit down with some fancy suit to get help on this deal. It's rather simple. Turbotax. A few w-2's. And crossed fingers.
I filled everything out- did what I was supposed to do- ready to file and BAMMMMM!!!! My "free" filing system decided it would charge me $85 to file. I'm certain along the way I clicked on some upgrade that I didn't actually read to just continue what I was doing. (My teachers told me that not fully reading the instructions/questions would catch up with me someday.) I had resolved that I would figure out how to un-upgrade and get back to the free business of doing something I didn't want to waste my night on in the first place. Well- to keep this segment of the story short, it just wasn't working out for me. I was being faced with the choice to pay what I didn't want to pay, or to go to another ACTUALLY FREE website and RE-DO what I had already done. And my insides said "ABSOLUTELY FREAKIN NOOOOO" to both- so what happened? Rosie's insides told her to throw a fit. Like, really. I had the biggest urge to just pick up my computer and throw it ON. THE. GROUND. (If you're slightly judging me on the irrational amount of anger happening over such a little ordeal, you're spot on. I judge myself today looking back...) I won't go into detail about my fit, cuz it was really silly- just imagine some stomping, some grumbling and the attempts of a sweet husband trying to calm his completely red with fury wife.
Maybe an hour or so after the actual "incident" in which I fell victim to such circumstances (I'm assuming that my anger stemmed from some ridiculous belief that I was a "victim", otherwise, I would have just rolled with the punches right?) I was laying in bed wondering why in the world I WAS STILL CRYING OVER THIS ORDEAL...(I'm sure my husband was wondering the same) And a little thought came into my brain-

"I'm still crying cuz I don't want to rob my emotions by just blowing past them, but at the same time- I'm pretty sick of my emotions robbing me by dwelling on them"

Even more thought went into that, and honestly, I've been letting my emotions rob me quite a bit lately. It seems like I've been upset a lot over the things that I can't control. And instead of just taking on the world with my talents and everything I think I'm made of, I roll over and just pout, or stomp or sigh or whatever I deem is "fit worthy" for the moment. When did I revert back to a 7th grade girl!? That was never really my demeanor. So what's my deal now?
For some reason, I have allowed this little "victim" bug to wiggle its way deep down to my innards and here I am being so selfish that others get the worst of me. AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE UPSET- so I punish myself. So I'm a victim to life and a victim to myself. I really don't give myself much of a break from this role of playing "victim" huh? The funny part is, I have no real concrete object to be upset at. I get upset at some mystical concept- LIFE.

I recognize life is all about perspective. And sometimes, I struggle with the thought that perspective means walking away from your emotions and your own reality and letting truth be the bed you shove all the other "stuff" under just so you can rest easy at night on something "stable". I try to find some soothing alternative where I get to keep all my feelings and roller coaster emotions "dealt with" all the while maintaining some composure- like what if I got regular massages? Or would my aura be more positive energy-like if I did yoga? (I had a lady the other day at work tell me I wasn't giving off very positive energy... haha... another reason I'm rethinking my method of dealing with life.)
But every time I run across my ideas, I remember, something is missing from those ideas. Working out is great. Yoga is great. Massages are wonderful (and expensive for broke ol' me). But they are kinda temporary-ish....right? SO- I'm back to the perspective thing. I guess I don't get to run too far from good ol' truth in an old fashioned reality check every now and then. I'm pretty sure, a good start to all the above, would be restarting (and actually maintaining) that darn hope wall.